As We Survive: Part 1 - The Evolution of Draco Malfoy: Chapter 5: Surprising Events

(Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Stories or any of the main characters, only the plot and a few momentary characters are mine. I've tried to stay as close to Rowling's canon as possible, but as the story progresses, I may deviate from it. Apologies for the swearing, tried to keep it at a minimum but the story didn't feel authentic without it.)

It was early morning on Wednesday the six, four days after the Battle, but it seemed like an eternity had already passed when Draco walked down the dungeon corridor towards the potions classroom, pondering the events of the past week. He could barely fathom what had come to light about Hermione’s parents. He thought about the sacrifice that his own mother would have made for him, what would have happened if the Dark Lord…no, Voldemort, had discovered her betrayal earlier than he did. He recalled all the sacrifices that had been made within the walls of the school, the repeated beatings and torture of the older students as they tried to shield the younger ones from the sadistic Carrows. And, once again, a sickening sense of guilt filled him. Numbing, painful. He stopped and leaned against the cold, hard wall for a moment.

“Draco my boy!” The pompous voice of Horace Slughorn broke through Draco’s reverie. The man was coming down the hallway behind him.

The young wizard rolled his eyes, muttering “Merlin.” under his breath. After the battle had ended, and it was revealed that Draco and his parents had turned on Voldemort, Slughorn’s previous attitude of indifference towards him had evaporated. The man now treated him with nearly as much grating favor as he did Harry and Hermione. Even the man’s attitude towards Ron and the most of the other Weaselys had transformed from genially ignoring them, to sickeningly ingratiating himself towards the entire family. For a Slytherin, the professor was painfully obvious in his attempts to align himself with those who were most likely to be in power. Surely he could at least put on a façade of self-restraint and try at a bit of subtlety.

The youngest Malfoy smoothed the sneer of distain from his face before turning to face the Professor. “Sir?” He said with cool respect, raising an eyebrow.

“We have quite the list of potions to create today, quite a long list.” The man said, rubbing his hands together gleefully, seemingly untouched by the fact that the potions were needed for those who lay dying and wounded in the hospital wing and at St. Mungo’s. “I’m lucky to have such a promising young man at my disposal. Definitely promising, or perhaps even brilliant, you certainly rival even Mr. Potter’s finesse. Pity he is in so much demand elsewhere, but well, you are definitely skilled in the noble art. Yes, my boy.”

It was with difficult that Draco refrained from rolling his eyes at the insufferable man. Draco knew for certain that Harry had cheated his way through sixth year potions. He was not sure how, but it was his duty, as a leading member of his house, to be able to spot a cheater when he came across one. He could no longer begrudge his fellow student, as it seemed that whatever he had done had eventually helped to ensure the Dark Lord’s defeat, but he would have liked to know the method that Potter used...if only for professional reasons, a Slytherin would never stoop so low as to desire something simply to satisfy curiosity.

Draco followed his professor down the rest of the way to the potions classroom, effectively ignoring all but a vague hum, representing the man’s pompous nattering until Slughorn actually said his name. “I’m sorry professor, what was that?”

“Lost in thought,” the man said, smiling infuriatingly under his walrus mustache. “Well, well, well, young minds do tend to wander. I was wondering if you had ever brewed Wolfsbane Potion.”  

“I’ve had some experience with it.” Draco said calmly, ignoring the chill that flushed through his veins as the face of Fenrir Greyback rose in his mind. “Professor Snape taught it to me the summer after my fifth year.”

“Snape did?” The professor raised an eyebrow, “Well, well, well then. I can only assume that you are well versed in it then. Brilliant man, Snape, strange but brilliant, one of the best students I ever had I believe. Absolutely incredible talent, too bad he died. Eh?”

“Yes.” Said Draco coldly.

“Well, then,” Slughorn said after an awkward pause, “One cauldron each of wolfsbain potion, for those who were attacked by Greyback and the others during the battle. Most of them won’t experience the full turn, as the full moon had finished the night before, but several of them are showing concerning symptoms.”

“What about Brown?” Draco said, his mouth suddenly dry. “Will she…”

“She was bitten the worst, I believe. Poor girl.” The man shook his head sadly, and for the first time a crack showed in his usually jovial exterior, “Bad business that. Would have died if not for you and of course Miss Granger’s actions as well. She was the one who blasted the horrible man off the poor girl.”

“Will it…will it leave a scar?” Draco asked.

“Most likely, Mr. Bill Weasely still has his scar and he was not bitten nearly as badly as she was. The poor child was grotesquely savaged, and the last full moon had ended so recently. Never seen the like of that battlefield in all my days. Even in Voldemort’s first rise, he never went after children the way he did this time.” The older man shuddered and there was a lost and broken look about him that somehow made him seem more human and likeable.

Draco nodded, and felt the special pocket in his robes that held the small vials of glowing blue. A vague resolution beginning to form, in tumultuous currents that flowed under the smooth surface in his mind. “All I remember of that night is blood and fire and smoke and fear, and the screams.” He shuddered, and turned back to his cauldron and the recipe for the potion. He could feel the Potion Master’s gaze on his back for a long time afterward, but continued to ignore it until the other man turned away, to work on his own potion.

It was noon before he finished the first lot of potions and Slughorn gave him leave to go up to lunch. He rushed to his rooms and changed his robes, looking around the empty common room decorated with skulls and shivered. Each day they looked more sinister and accusing, and he could hardly bear to walk through the room to his own luxurious quarters when it meant feeling the empty eye sockets staring at him. The green glow that had once seemed so proud and mysterious now only reminded him of the Dark Mark and the huge snake and the fear that had become an almost permanent fixture in his parent’s eyes.

But it was the memories of his former years at the school that haunted him most. The cruel words about those who were muggle born, the wishes for enemies dead that now seemed so calloused and cruel. Enemies who, he realized now, were never enemies at all. And his former naïve designation of the term both shamed and horrified him. But it was the desire to stand in his “rightful” place above others…all things that had once seemed so natural that were now most abhorrent and horrifying to him. And it felt as though the wrongs he had done were standing around him and the dead students that he had mocked and bullied whose crushed and broken bodies haunted him as he slept. He stood for several moments as the anguished guilt washed over him, and the turned with a swirl of robes and entered his dorm.

Draco hesitated for a moment as he looked around the Great Hall. There were fewer people every day, as the numbers continued to dwindle to only those who would remain for the summer to rebuild the school and re-establish the defenses that protected it. The Weaselys, he knew, had no home left to go to, as the Burrow had been burned to the ground the previous year when Death eaters had learned of their deception concerning Ron’s pretended illness. They would be staying till the Burrow was rebuilt. Longbottom would go home with his Grandmother for a few days, but he would also be returning to stay for the rest of the summer. Many of-age students from the other houses had gone home with their families directly following the funeral, but would return soon to help make sure the school was ready for the younger students who would be attending in the fall.

Neville looked up and met Draco’s eye and waved him over to where he sat with a motley group who were all members of the DA and the Order. Draco hesitated a moment, before heading over. He was tired of his self-imposed isolation, and even with the burdening guilt knew that any more time spent alone with Slughorn as his only company would send him into madness. He approached with an unfamiliar uncertainty that made him laugh sourly to himself.

“Draco!” Neville said, greeting him with a friendly smile, “Sit here.” He gestured to a seat between himself and Seamus Finnigan. Draco hesitated for a moment, not fully liking the look in the Irishman’s eyes.

“Would you mind, Finnigan?” He asked.

“Have a seat blondie.” The shorter man replied, “But if ya try anythin’ funny, I’ll be damn sure to hex ya.” And there was something about the wink that followed his comment that sent a chill up Drao’s spine. He sat down uncertainly, and was thankful that Neville had left a large gap between himself and Finnigan. He knew that most of his fellow students had yet to forgive him for his involvement with Voldemort, and was surprised to find that those who he had in some way harmed, directly or indirectly, were more willing to forgive him than their friends were. It came as no surprise when he saw the feral gleam of anger in their eyes, and Finnigan, despite his diminutive stature, made him more than a small amount of nervous. His classmate had proven that he was brave to the point of foolishness and reckless of both life and limb.

It did not surprise him, therefore, when he heard the Irish voice whisper in his ear, “I’ll be watching you Malfoy, take my word on it. Ye do anythin’ to hurt any of us here, and I’ll bash your head in, so I will, and don’t ye forget it.”

Draco nodded, and replied quietly, “I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, Finnigan.” And he met the blazing blue eyes with his cool grey ones.

“Right then, that’s settled. How about a glass of pumpkin juice, Draco.” Hermione said awkwardly, from her seat between Ron and Dean.

“Ye weren’t supposed to hear that.” Seamus said, looking more than a little disgruntled.

Hermione smirked at him, “I don’t need to hear you, to read your expression, Seamus. You’re about as subtle as a Red Cap.”

“Makin’ fun of me size now are you, Hermione?” Seamus said, in an offended tone, then laughed when she turned red and began to stammer saying. “I’m only playin’.”

The tension that had blanketed the table moments before evaporated, as everyone laughed nervously and Harry said, from Ron’s other side, “Seamus have I ever told you that you have a talent for making people uncomfortable?”

Seamus laughed, “It’s a gift.”

“Harry and Ron.” Said Dean, turning towards the other two and giving his best friend a look of reproachful amusement as a he changed the subject, “When do you two start Auror training?”

“Beginning of August.” Harry said, “There’s lots of room for more if any of the rest of you want to join as well. Neville’s going to be splitting his time between here and Hogwarts so he can get a little more education under his belt, and Parvati and Padma have already said that they’ll take the tests and give it a try for a bit.”

“I’ll be goin’ home for a bit, after me face is back to its former beautiful self again.” Said Seamus, caressing his ravaged cheek, “Then I’m coming back to finish me NEWTs. I may try to join the Aurors in Ireland after that, been away from me mam to much lately but she hex me senseless if I decided to give up on me schooling now.” He spoke the air of a man who did not care who knew how close he was to his mother, and would willingly fight anyone who gave him a hard time about it.

“I’m going to finish the year out as well.” Said Dean,  “After months of sleeping under the stars and running from Snatchers, I want a nice soft pillow under my head and a year of studying in a warm and dry place is looking more and more pleasant.”

Harry shrugged, “That’s fair. Although I’d hardly call the Castle warm.”

“It’s warmer than a mountainside over a Scottish Loch on the first of January.” Dean replied mildly.

“Very true.”

“What about you, Luna.” Ron asked, “What are your plans?”

“I’m going to finish my NEWTs of course, and then Daddy and I are going to go to the Brocéliande forest in Brittany to look for the Bugul Noz that lives there, daddy thinks he knows where the Crumple-Horned Snorkack are. I’ve always wanted to meet a Bugul Noz, they’re very misunderstood creatures on account of them being so hideous to look at, and it will be really good for Daddy’s health traveling outdoors so much.”

As often happened when Luna spoke, everyone was speechless for a little bit, until Ginny asked uncertainly, “How is your dad, Luna?”

“Azkaban was very hard for him, it’s badly infested with wrackspurts, and the Dementors were particularly brutal with the prisoners while Voldemort was in power. But I took him some herbal tea the other day and it seemed to perk him up a bit. Neville is helping me with some herbal remedies and Professor Slughorn and Draco have been brewing the most lovely potions.” Luna smiled around dreamily, “I’m sure that he’ll be perfectly fine in a few weeks.”  

Draco ate in silence, until the post arrived. For the first time in all his years at Hogwarts, he was the only person to receive nothing when the owls arrived. Potter had a stack of around eighteen letters, Ron and Hermione each had a copy of The Prophet, and then he saw a Howler land in front of Seamus who sat staring at it in shock for several moments, before letting out a roar of laughter which was, quite frankly, rather disturbing. Draco had never seen anyone react to a Howler with laughter before. “It’s me mam.” He said. “Good to see she’s doing well.”

Dean was also laughing as he said, “You’d better open it mate, it’s beginning to smoke.”

Seamus picked it up, and opened it, “Seamus Padraig Finnigan.” Were the only words that anyone at the table understood as a stream of Irish issued from the smoking letter, which ended suddenly with the words, “And I’m so proud of me boy, lots of love to ya, and be sure to come home soon.”

Seamus who had been grinning through the entire rant, turned bright red at the end and muttered fondly, “She knows how to embarrass me now, doesn’t she?”

“What was that about Seamus?” Dean asked.

“Well, of course she’s angry that I got meself involved in a war. And she said I scared her half out of her mind when she got me patronus telling her all was well, because, of course, she didn’t know what was going on now did she?” He looked thoughtful for a moment, “Come to think of it, she might not have known I could produce a patronus, hope it didn’t give her too much of a shock now.”

“So you sent your mum a patronus telling her you were all right, when she didn’t even know anything was wrong?” Hermione asked him, “Are you completely mad?”

“Well, I knew that she’d hear somethin’ eventually, and so I wanted her to know before news of the battle reached her, that everything was all right.” Draco looked around and notice that the rest of the girls were staring at Seamus with a mixture of horror and amusement on their faces, while the rest of the male population at the table simply looked confused.

“Ginny,” Said Hermione, turning to her ginger haired friend, “Are all boys completely mad, or is it just the ones that we know?”

“Oh, come on now, I think we’re more than boys aren’t we?” Neville asked in mild amusement.

Ginny rolled her eyes, “Yes, Hermione, all of them are completely mental.”

“I think it’s the wrackspurts.” Said Luna in a conspiratorial tone “They’ve been a bit more bold since the battle.”

Draco looked up and down the table and got up abruptly, “I think you’re all a bit mental.” He said, “Must get back to potions. Thank you for your…delightful company.” He turned and walked up to the head table where the Headmistress and Madam Pomfrey sat chatting amicably. It made him more than vaguely uncomfortable to hear a murmur of laughter behind him. Since the battle laughter in the castle seemed so strange, just off a bit, instead of the light and pleasant humor that had once filled the halls it had a biting, harsh tone, a cynical note that hurt worse than tears. It was enough, he mused, to discompose a centaur, to have it aimed in his direction.

He approached Madam Pomfrey, and said quietly, “Madam Pomfrey, do you have a moment. I’d like to speak to you if you’re free.”

The Matron looked at him, for a long moment, and then smiled kindly, “Of course dear boy.” She said kindly, “Minerva and I were just adjusting our plans for tomorrow, I’ll meet you in the hall in five minutes, and you can escort me to the hospital wing.”

He nodded and walked down the long hall, there was a part of him, a small and admittedly juvenile part that felt offended at the adjective “boy”. But he brushed it aside, somewhat sneeringly, acknowledging to himself that to someone of Pomfrey’s age all the students were barely more than infants. A sentiment that left him feeling rather ashamed of himself, which was an even stranger sensation considering that only a few months ago he’d have felt rather smug over the cleverness of it. His thoughts were interrupted by a late owl, which landed on his shoulder rather heavily and holding out a small note. “Hello Artemis.” He said, immediately recognizing it as the one belonging to Daphne Greengrass. “What are you doing here?”

He opened the note and read: Draco, Astoria is missing. We thought she’d gone home with a friend in all the confusion, but no one seems to have seen her and we don’t know whom we can trust. We think she might be hiding at the school somewhere and we heard you were still there. Would you mind having a look? Many thanks, Daphne.

It wasn’t so much what the note said, as what it didn’t say, that made Draco feel suddenly both ill and a little desperate. He looked around, and realized that he was standing right next to the Gryffindor table.

“Something wrong, Malfoy?” Potter’s voice came from what seemed a very long way away.

“One of the girls from my house is missing. Fifth year. Need to go look for her, probably in the Dungeons. Didn’t think to search the girl’s dorms. Bloody fool, what was a I thinking?" The words came out in a mangled rush.

“Well, you can’t search them, they don’t allow boys in, and we all should have thought of that, though, we searched the other dormitories.” Said Hermione practically. “Look, Ginny and I will come with you and we’ll do the search.”

“You two aren’t going down into Slytherin alone with Malfoy.” Said Ron, standing up. “I’m coming too.”

“No you bloody well aren’t, Ron.” Hermione said ferociously. “Ginny and I are perfectly able to take care of ourselves. And, besides, if she has been down there alone all this time, then she doesn’t need a whole party of people that she barely knows by sight to come barging in there. If you do come down, you’re staying in the hallway.”

“We should let Slughorn know, anyway, Ron.” Said Harry in a much more calm and reasonable tone. “He should know that one of his house is missing. And McGonagal asked us to help repair the North Tower.”

Hermione and Ginny looked at him with eyebrows raised for a moment, and Draco suddenly found himself wondering if all the girls in Gryffindor were as scary as these two.

“Don’t worry Weasely.” he said, and he really could not keep the sneer from his voice this time, “I’m not an idiot and I don’t intend to do anything as stupid as cause trouble for two of the scariest witches in the wizarding world in a castle full of people who have already proven they are not afraid to defend them, if the need arises. At the very least, have some respect for my sense of self-preservation. I really do have to go, right now if they can’t come then I’ll bloody well find a way to do it myself.” And he turned on his heel and strode out of the hall.

Even when he heard footsteps running behind him, he didn’t turn around until he hear Luna’s voice, and glanced over to see her next to him, practically running in her effort to keep up with his long strides. He slowed slightly and nodded to her. “Lovegood.”

“Tell me about Astoria, Draco. Her name is rather pretty, isn’t it?” Luna said, gently.

“What do you want to know?” He asked suspiciously.

“Well, just general information is probably fine.” The practicality in Luna’s voice was both startling and amusing.

“I’m not well acquainted with her myself, I only know her as Daphne’s quiet little sister. She’s two years below Daphne and I. We used to tease Daphne that her sister should have been in Ravenclaw, always has her nose in a book. Otherwise…” He just shrugged. “Don’t know really. Her father was never a Death Eater, as far as I knew, but they do believe rather strongly in blood purity. I believe that her father kept them out of danger by donating large sums of money to both sides, same as Blaise’s mother. They’re a wealthy family, but it did put a rather large dent in their spending money. I think this past year has been rather hard on her, Daphne used to get annoyed, said she was far too tender-hearted for her own good, and really could not understand why she was in our house at all.”

They had reached the wall that hid the entrance to the Slytherin common room; he tapped the wall with his wand and whispered the password. Then gestured to the three girls. “After you.” He said politely, ushering them inside.

“Thank you Draco.” Said Luna sweetly. And the other two nodded in agreement with her, but stared at him strangely as they walked past him.

“Draco, which way to the girl’s dorms?” Hermione asked, and he noticed that she was looking at the floor as she talked to him, it seemed strange until he saw the skulls that dotted the common room, and wondered if that was why.

He gestured silently towards the doorway to the right of the fireplace and the three girls turned towards the door, their wands drawn and ready. As they walked through it, Luna turned to him, “Draco, if she saw any of the battle it might be best to hide the skulls. Some of them are letting off a very negative energy, and we wouldn’t want her to be frightened by them.” She gave him a small smile as she closed the door behind her.

Draco stared around him, wondering for the first time why there were so many damn skulls lying around the room anyway. What had seemed rather cool and interesting with he was 11, now seemed dark and sinister and rather unnecessary. He conjured a box and summoned them into it carefully. There was something rather cathartic about the whole thing. The skulls had been the least pleasant things about returning to the room.

As he finished, there was a little sound from the direction of the girl’s dorms, and he looked up to see Luna and Ginny with their arms around Astoria, whose dark eyes were wide but seemed to be listening intently to something that Luna was saying to her.

“Astoria, how are you?” Draco asked, as kindly as he could manage, striding forward. She looked at him, and, to his consternation burst into tears and flung herself into his arms.

“She’s fine, Draco.” Said Hermione, with a bemused look on her face, “She had a bit of a scare at the end of the battle, and she hasn’t had nearly enough to eat or drink for the past few days, but she’s perfectly all right. Nothing Madam Pomfrey can’t sort out.”

“What happened?” He asked, half scared to hear the answer.

“She followed Daphne back to Hogwarts when she joined some of the other 7^th year Slytherins who returned with Professor Slughorn, but she got separated and saw some things that shook her up a bit, and then ended up here when she was running away from one of the Acromantula.”

“Wait, what?” Draco asked, his mind spinning a little.

“Look, I think the important thing, right now, is to get her out of here and up to the hospital wing so Pomfrey can have a look at her and we can send an owl to her family.” Said Ginny, a bit harshly Draco thought.

“Don’t know why I’m so pa-pathetic.” Astoria said to the older girls, and she hiccupped, bitterly, wiping her eyes daintily with a small handkerchief. “You’re all just a year or two older than me and y-you were so brave.”

“Don’t be silly.” Said Luna, gently, “You haven’t grown up with all this, and we’ve been immersed in it since we were your age, or younger. It’s different when you first start to see it. You haven’t had a chance to get used to it yet, and, if things stay peaceful, maybe you won’t have to.”

Draco looked down at the slender girl, and something in his heart wrenched a little. “Come along, Astoria,” he said kindly, tucking her hand around his arm, “Why don’t we get you up to Pomfrey so she can sort you out?”

She glanced at him, an embarrassed look on her face, “What have you been doing the past few days?” He asked quietly, as he led her back through the doorway.

“Just waiting.” She said, “I thought someone would come and check the dorms, or Daphne would come looking for me, or something. Most of the girls left their trunks here, so I just took any food they had in them, and ate that. It was mostly chocolate actually.”

“Why didn’t you come out on your own?”

“I was scared. I didn’t know who had won and I didn’t know if it was safe.”

“I’m sorry. I should have thought of checking the girls rooms, I checked the guys, but I just assumed that all the girls were out. I didn’t even know that other people from our house had come back to join Potter’s side. I wasn’t really paying attention to much at the end of the battle.”

“Slughorn came and got them, he said that if anyone wanted a chance to redeem our house’s reputation, then now was the time. So Daphne and Blaise and Millicent and a couple of others joined him. Nott wanted to, but he said he couldn’t face the idea of coming across his own father in battle, so he stayed behind.” Her voice was so quiet that he had to lean towards her to hear what she said.

“Why did they decide to fight for Potter, rather than for the Dark Lord?” He asked.

“You weren’t there that last month, Draco. You didn’t see what the rest of us saw. At the end, it was only Crabbe and Goyle, and a few more like them who still supported You-Know-Who. The Carrows were bad before Easter, but afterwards.” She shuddered. “You never saw what they did to the Cresswell boys, especially the younger one. It was horrible. He was from Ravenclaw, and one of the older boys in his house rescued him, but then he got caught and they half-killed him. It was really awful.” She was shaking, and Draco patted her hand awkwardly.

“The Dark Lord’s dead, the Carrows are on the run, but they’ll be in Azkaban soon. After that, they’ll never hurt anyone ever again.” He said firmly.

She sagged slightly, he thought in relief, “Watching all those things, not knowing what to do…I wanted to die. I’m not brave, but I just couldn’t let Daphne go in there alone, not without anyone to watch her back. She teases, but she’s always looked after me. For all she’s so mean to other people.”

“She’s not that mean, at least, she’s a bit haughty and proud, but she’s practically an innocent lamb compared to Pansy.” Draco said, smiling.

“I can’t stand that girl.” Astoria said, and Draco was slightly startled by the ferocity of her words.

“She’s a bit hard to take. I’ll admit.” He said.

“You’re not still dating her, are you?” Asked Astoria, suddenly looking upset. “I shouldn’t have...”

“Merlin, no.” He interrupted, “I broke up with her last year, she’s just taking a while to get that we are not actually going to be married. Um…don’t tell her I said that.” And he smiled wryly, amazed at his own candidness.

Astoria giggled slightly, and then shivered. “It’s so cold, why is it so cold?” She asked.

“Here” He said, sweeping his cloak off with one hand and putting it around her “this should warm you up.”

Luna walked up next to them, and put her hand on Astoria’s forehead. “Oh, dear,” She said, “You’re burning up.” And she took Astoria’s other arm with a motherly gentleness that caused Draco’s throat to constrict slightly, though he did not know why.

“Not to worry.” He said, more confidently than he felt, gesturing to the door of the hospital wing. “We’re here and Madam Pomfrey will have you sorted out in no time.”

The hospital matron bustled up to them immediately as they entered the room, and tenderly bullied, prodded and coerced Astoria into a soft nightgown and a bed and was feeding her soup and potions before any of them had really had a chance to get their bearings. Draco watched the proceedings for a few minutes, rather in awe of the woman. He had never really been to the hospital ward when he was not being tended and he was amazed at her proficiency and kindness.

“Draco.” Said Hermione, startling him out of his reverie, “Hadn’t you better go and send an owl to Daphne, I’m sure that her family would like to know that Astoria has been found.” She raised an eyebrow, and he had to bite back the anger that the little gesture caused him.

“You’re absolutely right as usual Granger.” He said, allowing just the tiniest bit of sneer into his voice. “Thank you for reminding me.” He turned away and headed towards the owlery, hoping that she would understand the message the sneer was intended to communicate. No matter how much he had changed, he was not one of her bumbling friends to be bossed about and managed. For all her intelligence and bravery the girl was a nuisance and he would not have his life ordered by her the way she seemed to manage everyone in her house.

Artemis had already left to return to Daphne, so he sent his eagle owl, Procyon, with a quick note, saying Astoria found in dorms, being seen to by Madam Pomfrey. Nothing serious. Feel free to come and collect her at your earliest convenience. I’ll see that she’s taken care of till then. All the best – Draco.

He was descending the tower at a rather reckless pace, when he nearly ran headlong into Dean and Seamus, who were coming up the stairs together, chatting quietly.

“Pardon he said.” He said, when he found them blocking his way, “I’m in a bit of a rush, would you mind?” The words came out in a more imperious tone than he intended, and he immediately regretted it when he saw Seamus hands ball up into fists. But Dean, simply leaned coolly to one side, his long frame still blocking Draco’s way.

“We’ll let you pass.” He said, calmly, “But we have a few questions to ask you first.”

“Really? And what would they be?” Draco could feel the anger that had lain dormant for the past four days stirring under the surface.

Darker youth continued, smiling blackly, “First, why didn’t you say it was us at your manor when the snatchers brought us in? You had to know it was Harry, even with that stinging jinx distorting his face he was very recognizable. And, second, why did you join our side at the end? Was it real, or did you just want to keep yourself safe?”

Draco sank down and sat on the steps, tiredly, the anger draining out of him and then the words started to come with a ferocity that startled him, “It was a bloody messy nightmare having the Dark Lord living with us for two years. Horrible, really, and I was tired of all the death and torture, living in fear of my life.” He was shocked to hear the words coming so candidly from his mouth, but he couldn’t seem to stop them. “So many murders happened in our house while he was there. So much torture…it was…I couldn’t do it any more. I still believed that my family’s ideals were right, but I didn’t want to be under his thumb any more. I was tired of...of everything.”

Dean sat down on the lower step, a strangely sympathetic look on his face. “And my other questions?”

“I didn’t just join at the last minute. Well, maybe a bit, but not fully. I didn’t know what I wanted to believe any more. Voldemort tortured us, after you all escaped. Me, my father, my mother, I just wanted it to end and I wanted to be free of him. Then Potter and the other two rescued me, saved my life twice during the battle, and I just couldn’t fight for that side any more.” He looked down at the ground and felt the coldness of the stone creep into his bones.

Seamus let out a low whistle, “Did he make you watch?” He asked, and there was a tone in his voice that Draco did not quite understand. “I mean, when he tortured yer mam?”

“Yeah.” Draco nodded.

“Well, that’s good enough for me.” Said Seamus. “I’d bloody kill the bastard who tortured my mother.”

“Why do you think more than half my year came and fought for your side?” Draco said, “Blaise’s mother was threatened when he couldn’t produce an effective cruciatus curse on a first year. Theo’s dad was tortured when a mission went wrong and too many people lived…not all of our parents could see that Voldemort was dangerous, but we knew. It would be better to give up every ideal that we ever had, than follow him any longer. Putting the Carrows in charge of a school was enough to show us that.”

“But why didn’t you try to help Hermione when she was being tortured? Was it because you were afraid your family would suffer? Not that we expected you to, really. Or that it would make it fine if that was your reason.” Dean’s voice was quiet.

“No.” Draco said, “I wish I could say yes, I really do. But in all honesty, until it was actually happing, I was still halfway accepting the idea that the world would be a better place without any muggle-born witches and wizards. And while it was happening I was too damned scared and sick to my stomach to move or think.”

“And how do ya feel about it now?” Seamus asked, and there was a dangerous note in his voice.

“In my nightmares, every scream from the battle is her scream or the screams of the other students that the Carrows asked me to torture or the screams of people who were killed at the manor, and I can’t get away from the guilt. Every dead body stares at me when I sleep, asking me why I didn’t help sooner. And I know that most of what I was taught about blood status was a damned great lie, and it’s tearing me up inside. ” And then he clamped his mouth shut tightly.

“Well, that’s good enough for me.” Seamus said, “Mind, I still think you’re a bloody dangerous git, but I might warm to ya…in time that is, if ya continue to mind yer manners.”

Draco nodded curtly. And stood as the other two moved aside for him to pass. As he neared the bottom of the stairs, Dean’s voice echoed down to him, “Oi, Draco, we’re having a little gathering tonight in Gryffindor tower if you’d like to come. Seamus and I will see to it that no one beats you up too badly. You did save Lavender’s life, after all.”

“Thanks.” Said Draco, “I’ll…think about it.”